Chapter 2: The Cancer Effect

Why does cancer bring out the best and worst in people? In the month I have known about my condition I have seen the bad, good and wonderful in my fellow man. But why cancer? I've had asthma all my life, certainly as life threatening as Hodgkin's, yet I was never treated differently. Well, not quite true, I couldn't get into the Army because of my asthma. But in general, I was treated like everyone else. Now, all of a sudden, I am either the most special person on the planet, or a leaper.

The compassion by some is simply unbelievable. We got an e-mail today from a couple whose only link to me is our shared religion and place of worship. They offered not only to babysit our children, but to cook us meals and do our grocery shopping. These are people I've met once and they are willing to do all of this. Now, either they have too much time on their hands, they are closet pedophiles or they truly understand the meaning of charity. Either way, the offer was just incredible. The love from some is simply mind blowing: A doctor who wrote off an old bill, a friend of my wives who cooked us meals; all of this truly reaffirms my belief in people.

Another consequence of my cancer is that it has brought my family closer. Amazing how a little disease can bring a family together. Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents; all have been very supportive. Now, I am blessed to have such a wonderful family who cares so much about me, but why does it take a bad thing to get family members communicating? I love my siblings, they are the greatest, but I have talked to them more in the past month than the last year. Now, I know I am not the easiest person to talk to, but it seems like we would have better things to talk about than how my latest biopsy went. Also, it is very weird to talk to family that I almost never talk to. It is awkward to have a conversation with my wife's aunt who I barely know. At times I feel blessed to have such a large family; at other times it feels like a burden, although a burden I am happy to bear.

The group I find the most interesting are the ones who treat me like I'm not there anymore. Yeah, they call my wife to find out how she's doing and make sure everything is OK, but they won't talk to me. It's like they will catch cancer by being associated with me. And when they do talk to me, I can tell that just talking about it makes them uncomfortable. Yeah, I have cancer, but I'm not dying. It's not like I have a large, hairy nut sack growing from my chin. Yet, that would make some people more comfortable than cancer.

Cancer can be a big deal, but only if people make it one. Yes, people can die from it, but more people die from eating at McDonald's. There are worse things in the world than a cancer, like liver and onions. I know it can be scary, but why is it any more scary than driving down the street or eating my mother in laws cooking. I do appreciate the good thoughts of others and all the help they have offered. And I understand why some people don't want to be near me like I haven't bathed in months (It's only been 2 days). What I don't understand is why this has to happen because I have something called cancer. It would be much easier to understand if I got these reactions because I teach at-risk kids, or have weird facial hair.

Like all things in life, we have to take the good with the bad. I will always have time for people who call and want to know how I am doing, although the answer will always be fine. I will be grateful for any and all help people are willing to give to my family and I will be understanding of those who can't be around me right now. One of the powers I have received as Cancer Boy is the power to deal with all things with a smile on my face so that I can help others with their fears and worries. And, once everyone is back in their happy place I can do that which I love most; spend time with my family and play HALO. Notice, people don't feel bad for me that I play video games - they make fun of me for that yet I die while playing video games; with cancer, I'm not even sick.